Where’re you going? (7) And by the way ..who are you?

We finished the last post considering the effects of our outcome on the wider system – in the widest sense, the ecology of what we’re setting out to do; the likely impact on each part of the system – and that includes, of course, our self. And it is this consideration of self that concludes this mini-series.

We started this metaphorical journey asking the simple, yet profound question:

“What do you want?” (Where do you want to go?)

We end it by coming back to you, and perhaps realising that for our outcome to be purposeful, the journey is actually more a voyage of discovery about who we really are.

The ‘you’ part is central to this whole process, and so it follows that ‘you’re very sure that you know where’re you’re going, and that you want to go there!

If along the way you sense that something is missing, you’re probably right – and it will most likely be you!

And so now we’re into the territory of identity – the you, I, me, and self. Are all happily engaged in the journey?

Is your chosen outcome, and its journey, its voyage, a true expression of who you are? Is what you are committing to, authentic? Does it call on your integrity?

“Integrity simply means not violating one’s own identity.”
Erich Fromm

Try thinking of it this way. If you were the project manager (which with an outcome you are!) – does the way you are as an individual, inspire your vision and those involved in it? Does it fit with your values to such an extent that it has priority (which may not also be urgency)?

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.” Andre Gide.

Does the outcome inspire you to be the best you can be(c0me)? Too often, we aim too low, as opposed to too high .. and we become disenchanted.

Remember that just because something is big, it need not be unmanageable .. (How do you eat an elephant? One mouthful at a time). Ask instead:

‘Will this stretch me to be myself? Will this call me home to be who I really am?

If it does, make the necessary adjustments, define your next steps, and prepare for an exhilarating time – remembering that the attitude and process you choose for getting from the ‘here’ to the ‘there’ shapes the end result.

The means engender the end .. and as the end actually forever unfolds, perhaps it is the means we choose which is more important?

END

(To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).

Where’re you going? (6) Fitting into the wider scheme of things.

In the last post, we considered the detail of accessing, and using internal and external resources – these including our skills, attitudes, and beliefs.

Now – before we start – is the time to consider the wider picture .. the wider implications.

Every action we take, and resource we use is part of a wider system. Just as we are mindful of how we are to get from the ‘here’ (present state) to the ‘there’ (desired state), we need also be mindful of both the effect our outcome actions will have on the system, and the effect the system will have on our outcome.

Here are some useful systemic questions to consider ..

• How much time and effort will we need?
• What can we do without to make room for this outcome?
• What will we let go? What will we give up? What will we compromise?
• How will others be effected by our actions? From their perspective, will we need to make adjustments?
• What aspects of the present set-up do we want to keep, individually, or as an organisation?
• In what context do we want changes to occur? What boundaries do we want to set?
• What will be the secondary consequences of our outcome? Do we want them?

Next week’s post concludes this mini-series. (To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).

IEMT

IEMT – Integrated Eye Movement Technique.

Last weekend I attended a London workshop in the change work method called IEMT, led by its ‘maverick!’ developer Andrew Austin. I came away both excited, and with my head full of questions which I knew could only really be answered through further experience of using the technique.

Throughout the week, I began using some of the many aspects of what I learnt with clients (and consistently with good effect!).

Today, I’ve spent time further refining my thinking about how to apply the technique and integrate it in my work – especially with children and young people, or in shorter session work. (Andrew works with people in 2-3 hour sessions, something I’m usually not able to do in my school based work).

Integral Eye Movement Technique is a process of brief change work that applies finely calibrated eye movements based on Andrews’ observation of neurological principles to generate rapid change in the area of undesired neurological imprints. The I.E.M. therapy model answers the question, “How did the client learn to feel this way, about thatthing?” and applies specific change at the right neuro-logical level. (Click on logo for more information).

Its all fascinating stuff, and goes much much further than both nlp eye-accessing cues, and it seems, EMDR. Of particular interest to me is Andrews’ emphasis on what IEMT is not! Being change work, IEMT is not care & support, not counselling, and not a ‘universal healing aid’ – mm ..refreshing!

Some of what we covered on the course revisited and/or complemented my studies to date – especially in linguistics, the different use and effects of referential indices, systemic thinking, clean language, Lee Jampolskys’ Addiction cycle, and Lucas Derks’ Social Panorama work. There was plenty of fresh learning for me too, and whilst there was too much on the course to cover right here, I’m confident that over time, it will creep into the different aspects of my work. I already for example have ideas to build in to my compassion course work.

For now, I’ll leave you with something Andrew said, during his explanation of his patterns of chronicity ..

“Anxiety is a way of planning / organising the future.”

Thank you Andrew for developing IEMT, which I’m certain gives us another choice.

Where’re you going? (5) Do you have the resources? Do you have control?

The word ‘resources’ always reminds me of my time in the police. On Friday and Saturday nights, we were forever ‘running out of resources’. Early in a busy night shift, most officers would be tied up (not literally) with people they had arrested. An arrest would mean hours off the street, interviewing, processing, gathering evidence, doing the paperwork – leaving fewer available to respond to further emergency calls.

At such times, a common phrase heard in the control room would be  ‘Hang on – I’ll just get another police officer out of the box!’

Every day, life calls on your resources (skills, attitudes, beliefs) in the same way. When you run out of resources, you crash – and so planning and preparation before any venture is well worth while.

Unlike the police service .. when you are mindful of the task in hand, there is every chance you will be able to access the resources. However all resources – whatever their source, need energy. Whatever wonders you’re able to perform, remember that you have finite energy available each day .. so be energy efficient!

One great way to conserve resources, which we too often overlook is to find ways to live life in the present .. away from the energy hungry regrets of the past and anxieties of the future.

When considering your desired outcome, remember that resources come in various forms – equipment, technology, tv, videos, books are obvious examples, as are people with the right experience, ability, and encouragement to help you – including friends, family, contacts, suppliers.

Who can inspire you? Who has done this sort of thing before? Who is on the same wave-length as you?

What personal qualities do you have? What qualities do you perhaps need to dust off, or develop – to achieve your outcome?

Is there enough money? If not what do you need to do first to get funds?

You are your own control room! This means that you have direct control of your personal resources. But how do you motivate others? What can you do to really engage those who can help you? And how do you control and maintain your outcome?

Consider also the wider consequences of your desired outcome? We’ll talk about this next post!

(To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).

The Rainbow Machine

I’m always excited about learning new approaches .. and that is what I’m doing this weekend – attending a training in Integrated Eye Movement Techniques with Andrew Austin.

Andrew Austin is refreshing and certainly not afraid to speak his mind, especially with regards to psychiatric treatment. This will be the first time I’ve met him, having read many of his articles – and his really excellent book.

My review of the book is here, at www.goodreads.com – along with many other books from my bookshelf. Click on the image for amazon reviews.

I’ll post more about my experience of IEMT in due course.

Where’re you going? (4) How will you know when you’re there? Who? Where? When?

Continuing from last week, let’s assume that you’ve now defined the outcome you’re going for. Write it down, and before we do anything else, check that the language includes no digital or analogue negatives (see ‘The power of negative thinking’ post – 2nd of this mini-series).

Now that its down on paper, you can run your desired outcome through the checks suggested by nlp, to make sure that it is well-formed, and most likely to effortlessly succeed.

It may sound obvious, but as continue your life, how will you know that you are on the right track .. and equally important how can you be sure when you have achieved what you set out to do? In fact, how do you know that you won’t go sailing past the ‘destination’ unaware until later that you were so close?!

There is only one way for us to experience life; through our senses. Define NOW what you will see, hear, and feel when you achieve your outcome. You may even taste or smell something specific, depending on what you’re going for. And of course your gut instinct – the  ’6th sense’ can also be important.

Your body is a communication device which every moment is sending you internal memos which let you know whether you are on course, whether you are being you.

I will see .. I will hear .. I will feel ..

When you do this, its like setting your compass bearings. Be as accurate as possible, before you start your change journey.

Another well-formed condition worth clarifying at the outset of your journey is the ‘specifics’. Decide with whom you want the outcome, and where you want it. In what context do you want to experience it? What criteria will decide whether you go ahead? Is there a deadline to achieving the outcome? If so when is it. Write down the date. Don’t just think ’6 months ahead’; to your subconscious, which is very literal – pin yourself and your subconscious to an actual date ’23rd June’. Be specific with everything!

Next post, we consider the resources you may need on your outcome adventure!

(To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).

Where’re you going? (3) Getting from the here to the there.

In the last post (2) of this mini-series, I talked about how easy it is to think negatively,  .. and also how difficult it is trying hard to ‘be positive’!

Far more effective is when we can simply acknowledge and then remove the blocks to who we naturally are - (a positive, loving, compassionate being of course!?)

So what are these blocks that need removing? As mentioned in the last post -

• Most of us are better at knowing what we don’t want, and not what we do want.
• When we think or describe what we don’t want, our subconscious generates an internal representation of it anyway (making ‘it’ more likely to occur)!
• Our trying to be positive is not generally effective either!

These internal blocks keep us from being ourselves, and when we are absent in this way – well life gets pretty difficult, and we’re unable to move forward.

So, being ourselves, being authentic, having integrity – is essential if we are to know where we’re going in life – and if we’re to successfully communicate this to others.

Nlp usefully suggests certain conditions which enable us to set up and realise well-formed outcomes. An outcome here simply means – what you want / where you’re goin’ in life! By keeping to the nlp conditions, we move towards well-formed outcomes in a way which is effortless, motivating, achievable, sustainable, and authentic to the person setting them.

Only when you have set an outcome will you know which tasks are necessary to enable you to move forwards. The tasks are the stepping stones for getting you from the here (your present state) .. to the there (your desired state).

And the tasks in turn will find and make use of your resources (mostly internal again!)

Outcome – Tasks – Resources

First define your well-formed outcome. It’s useful to know where you are going – otherwise your path is vague; your direction is aim-less. Acknowledging and accepting (without blame!) your present situation is also useful. After all, a map showing your destination is useless without the ‘I am here’ arrow!

Get clear about what you want, and also be clear also about what you will need to let go of. Make room, mentally and emotionally, for the change you want. Just as you must first move out old furniture before moving in the new – the same is true here.  Make room in your heart and mind. Know what needs to go. Decide what to compromise, and choose what you want to keep. Be specific with the detail!

We’ll continue with more nlp conditions next post ..

(To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).

Where’re you going? (2) The power of negative thinking

Before you read further, I’d like you to do something ..

Ready? Here goes ..

Don’t think of a blue tomato with pink spots.

* * *

While you do that (not think of a blue tomato with pink spots), I’ll remind you of the first post in this mini-series where I gave an account of a pretty helpless taxi passenger who knew where they didn’t want to go, but was not able to say where they did want to go.

I suggested that this sadly was how many of us ‘do’ life – leading of course to huge frustrations for oursleves and others.

We know what we don’t want – but when we ask oursleves what we do want .. specifically? Well many people get stumped by that one!

.. Then we get depressed, we notice what’s lacking, and we moan, blaming ourselves and others for not getting what we (didn’t ask or know we) wanted!

Knowing what we want, and as importantly, knowing when we get/experience what we want are hugely relevant to a happy, successful existence. And it all starts, and ends, with the way we think .. and while we’re onto thinking, the ‘how’s’ are far more important than the ‘why’s’.

Let’s think for a moment about how we think: when it comes to negative thinking there are two ways, broadly speaking, that we linguistically do this. Language contains, carries, shapes, and expresses our thoughts:  1) by analogue, and (2) digital means.

With analogue negativity, there is a variable sliding level of negativity which may appear vague on the surface, yet which is firmly rooted into our out of conscious values and beliefs. Analogue negativity is certainly worth paying attention to as often it can lead to unneccessary generalisations, judgement and criticism.

The digital element of our dialogue – whether with others or ourself, negates statements, through words like, “not”, “none”, “never” (not ever), “but”, and also when we insert “un -” and “in – ” – as in “unattractive”, or “incompetent.”

These digital negations are worth looking out for too, as they prevent us from our true capacity for positive outcomes.

Steve Andreas talks at length about the effect of negation (and much else besides) in his excellent e-book, to be found at RealPeoplePress

The brain plays tricks on us when we negate. Your seeing the blue tomato with pink spots when asked not to, is a case in point. (You did, didn’t you?!).

Our subconscious can only process negatives after first giving us an internal representation – its that simple. This is actually quite logical, as how can your mind understand what not to do, until it has first represented it so as to understand it?!

The effect of this however is that when we tell ourselves not to be nervous, never to eat the cake when we’re not hungry, to not be shy or forget our words, but to speak out clearly, to not act incompetently, not smoke another cigarette, not shout back,  – we say, experience, or do exactly do the opposite!

Perhaps this reminds you also that trying hard to ‘be positive’ is less effective than simply acknowledging and removing the blocks to who you naturally are – a positive, loving, compassionate being?

So, before we get totally confused .. where are we with all of this so far!?

• Most of us are better at knowing what we don’t want, rather than what we do want.
• When we think or describe what we don’t want, our subconscious generates an internal representation of it anyway (making ‘it’ more likely to occur)!
• Our trying to be positive is not generally effective either!

Interesting – but what are we to do with this information? How then can we move forward? In my next post, we’ll learn about this!

(for all posts in this series, search under ‘taxi’)

(To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).

Be Happy Now!

I’m very happy (what else?!) to recommend the work (books, trainings, tapes) of Robert Holden – who in my experience certainly seems to know more than most of ‘the experts’ about success and happiness!

I was lucky enough to attend his famous 8 week  ‘Be Happy Now’ training a few years back – and learned so much. I continue to use his approaches and philosophy in my life and work. I see now, that Robert has also just launched an online version of the same course.

There’s plenty of info about this at www.behappy.net

From Alternatives – ‘Robert Holden, Ph.D., is the Director of The Happiness Project and Success Intelligence. His innovative work on happiness and success has been featured on Oprah and Good Morning America, and also in two major BBC TV documentaries. Robert is the author of several books including his latest Be Happy. Listen to Robert talk about the six paradigms of success and how to be truly happy.’

This free mp3 download, courtesy of ‘Alternatives’ at St James, Piccadilly  – often a source of much inspiration, is well worth a listen. I did just that on my commute to London .. let me know what you think!

You can download the mp3 file here ..

http://tinyurl.com/lr6p39

Where’re you going? (1) What do you want?

A first of a series of posts ..

on how to best get where you want to be in life.

Imagine this conversation between a taxi driver and his pasenger ..

TD: “Where you’re going’?”

F: “Well, I don’t want Trafalgar Square, neither Oxford Street, and I’m not wanting to eat, as I’m not hungry..  yet”

TD: “Yes .. but where’re you going?”

F: “I know where I don’t want to go! I don’t want to go to Covent Garden (although I liked it there last time), and I don’t fancy going to the Heathrow airport – as I think that’s just where I’ve come from – though I can’t be sure. Is this London? .. Oh good that’s where I want to be!”

TD: “Yes .. but where – in London – do you want to go!?!”

F: “Well – let me see. I don’t need new shoes, and I don’t like flowers. The weather isn’t good so I don’t want to be outside, and even though I don’t need new shoes, I don’t want to walk very far as the ones I’m wearing aren’t very comfortable ..  I should have worn the others ..  anyway I might get lost if I get out and walk .. for now I’d quite like to stay here in the cab if you don’t mind? “

• What if in our journey through life, we didn’t know where we were going, or what we wanted when we ‘got there’.
• What if we didn’t know how to get to the place (that we didn’t know), and what if .. even when there were people there to help us, we were so clear about what we didn’t want, that we were unable to consider what we did want.
• And what if, even if we had a rough idea of at least the general area of where we wanted to go, we wouldn’t know to recocognise it when we arrived, but instead passed through to somewhere we certainly didn’t want to be? .. and we couldn’t get back?
• What if, even if we knew what we wanted (and how to get there) – we’d rather take the long route, even if it turns out more expensive?!
• What if .. it actually seems a lot easier and more comfortable to stay in the back of the cab, rather than venture out on our own?
• What if we’ve no energy for any of this, whatever we do or don’t do?

What if .. actually .. this IS how we so often find ourselves approaching life!? Is it any wonder we take ages to get anywhere worthwhile!

I’ll soon be posting – sometime next week, a series of short articles all about how to best get to where you want to be without all the hassle.

We’ll start first with recognising the power of negative thinking.

(To search for all seven posts in this series, enter the keyword ‘taxi’ in the search box).